Sometimes.....

Sometimes I feel like the unluckiest lucky person around. And yes, I am coming back to my blog so I can bitch a little. It's been a great month. It's been a crappy summer. But it's also been a pretty spectacular summer, and a very crappy month. I guess this is life. The ebb and flow, the up and down. The good with the bad. But the bad is very bad, and the good is very good. And it all exists up there to form some sort of blah blah blah.

Trust me. I know how awesome I have it compared to many. I mean, in the last month I spent a weekend in LA, a weekend in Pittsburgh, soon a trip to Asheville. All with some of my favorite people. It's been great, and I've loved it, and I feel so privileged to have such great friends and get to do such great things.

But it's so easy to talk about the good stuff. So easy, and that is usually what people want to hear anyway. But the bad stuff won't stop coming towards me. When I pay attention, I feel like I am drowning. So I try to not pay attention, so I can breath and open my eyes. If only that worked, because it doesn't.

I used to choose to keep myself at arms length, but now it seems like I don't have the choice. I have secrets I can't tell. I have questions and debates going on in my head but the only person up there is me. Because I feel like a broken record, and I can't seem to get ahead of myself. I just play catch up and wait for the next setback, the next disaster. They are usually hard to foresee because even my worst case scenarios aren't this gruesome.

But hey, I probably don't have thyroid cancer. 

I am so lucky. I am totally fucked.

It's LA

hiatus for now

But I will be back.....