brief reprieve...

I wonder how many of us would recognize in our present lives the dreams of our past? When I was younger, I had a really hard time envisioning my future. At least not with pictures and graphs. I couldn't tell you what I wanted it to look like, but I could try to tell you what I wanted it to feel like. Even then, it would still be hard to put it into words. Still today, there is a lingering desire in my heart for something I can't describe, something that doesn't exist in pictures and graphs. I think a lot of people have this. And I wonder, how many people there are that followed their hopes and dreams from youth, and ended up realizing those hopes and dreams, and find themselves content because of it. Are there people like that? Are there people who don't have a lingering desire for something else?

I had some friends in town briefly and it seems like we were all talking about this, or something similar. We are all people who have reached some level of "success" in life. We are educated. We have jobs. We are generally self reliant. Most folks, except for myself, are happily in committed relationships. Despite all these so-called successes, it seems like we are all missing something major from our lives. But what is it?

I fear that it is human nature to never be content, to constantly be searching for something else, a new goal, a new project, more and more, greater and better. Constant evolution. It wasn't this way in previous generations, or if it was, people didn't talk about it. The focus was more on stability. I think growth is a good thing. I think being able to evolve is a beneficial trait to have. But I wonder if we take it too far? I am always looking for something else, a new purpose. As long as I have a goal, something I can accomplish, I am relatively content. My buddy D put it in a different light, though, which made me get to thinking. He called these things "distractions." Distractions from our everyday life, and they can take many forms. But ultimately they are to divert our attention from the day to day, because perhaps the day to day isn't fulfilling us. These goals, these distractions, don't fulfill us, but they allow us to ignore the truth of our reality.

Sound depressing? I don't think it has to be. These things require a holistic approach. There is no point in cutting out the bad parts if you are going to keep getting bruised. Quitting one shitty job and exchanging it for another won't solve the basic problem. I don't know how to solve this. I think it means we each have to find the source of our discontent, and excise that from our lives entirely. Now, that is probably an impossible task. If you asked me right now what would make me happy, I would probably tell you I wanted to live in relative solitude in the mountains and never work for someone else ever again. Not a practical solution at this point, though I have many times imagined what it would take to fake my own death (you know, for student loan purposes) and run off to the woods. Anyway. This is a ramble, primarily for myself. I am still working it all out in my brain. I hope I can figure it out some point in my life. I'd like to experience contentedness,..

In other news:

Emma got so dizzy she ran into the stove. And I laughed.

the weather dictates these days...

96 degrees outside right now. Even my hardiest of plants are wilting. It's too soon, no one is ready. I am not ready. May isn't supposed to be this hot.

Yeah, I talk about the weather. I am old.

I also install floating bookshelves. I am not sure about the placement on the wall. It seems too matchy-matchy. Tell me what you think.

from below

In other news, I have modified my jogging to take place after it stops being 90 degrees outside. This usually occurs sometime after 8PM. I've been debating whether or not I should carry pepper spray with me on these jogs. It's not quite dark, but it's definitely past dusk. I don't want to get killed, or maimed, or robbed of my IPOD Shuffle. Emma can't come with me because she has gotten too old for such things. She prefers air conditioning and treats. I don't blame her. Perhaps I should find a jogging partner in my neighborhood? Bleh. Can't even think about it right now.

the medium is the message

One of the definitions of rapture on dictionary.com is "joyful ecstasy." According to my record player and Wikipedia, The Rapture is a dance-punk band from the late 1990's based in NYC. I think, and I might be wrong about this, but apparently today is the day of another type of rapture, where the godly are to be transported to the heavens via some sort of anti-gravitational force. I don't think it has happened, though I haven't really checked either. I have, however, listened to my favorite song by The Rapture, and I will share it with you:

I mentioned a few posts back that I was going to concentrate a little more on flowers this year. I just went and snapped a few pics and I think things are looking pretty ok.

Yarrow

Bee Balm

Not a flower, but cool nonetheless.

Coneflowers.

Roses.

So, something kinda cool happened while I was on my run a little while ago. I turned off the main road and headed down one of the neighborhood streets, and there was another jogger coming my way. As he passed me, he held out his hand for a high five. We exchanged a sweaty high five, and continued in our opposite directions. It got me thinking...I interact with people all the time, every day. We all do, at the grocery store, at work, just walking down the street. My default behavior is to be polite but reserved, and this allows me to go about my day without really thinking twice about the people around me. But this other jogger, whose face I didn't even see because I was too busy trying to not interact with him, totally forced me out of that seclusion, for just a moment, because he wasn't reserved. He was trying to connect, on some basic level, and he succeeded. Whatever. I know it isn't any big thing, but I spent the rest of my jog thinking about how little I engage with the world of people. I would like to say I am going to try to change that, but I really don't think I know how. All I am saying is that it's something I need to think about.

Happy Rapture everyone, whatever it means to you. 

Nuts

I am sitting at BWI, waiting for my flight back to the deep and dirty. I have had an eventful trip, one that seems much longer than 5 days. I enjoyed my "training" and have come to the realization that soon enough I will be very busy with work. I was able to see some of my favorite people, which is always awesome. I ate lots of delicious food. I took quite a few pictures of food while I was gone. Here is a selection:

I also ate at Soul Vegetarian, though I forgot to take a picture of the giant plate of vegan mac and cheese I stuffed in my belly. It's okay, cause I went on a bike ride afterwards to burn it off.

So, that is that. I am heading back to the daily grind. Tomorrow is going to be pretty rough, since I haven't really been getting enough sleep and my flight doesn't arrive back in SC until 11:30. That's okay, I only live once.  Another thing I have been thinking about on this trip is that I need to go on more trips. So, that is going to be another goal of mine down the road. I can't really afford any big vacation to Prague or whatever, but I think I have plenty of domestic land to explore.

sitting at the airport, killing time

So, I am sitting here in the amazing and super fancy Columbia Metropolitan Airport. My flight is in 30 minutes, and I just overheard the lady with the walkie talkie say that the flight is overbooked. Great. Super. Awesome. Why do they do crap like that?

In other words, I am super excited to be boarding a plane with the guy sitting right next to me. I think he bathed in cologne this morning. My nostrils are burning. I think I am going to be smelling this guy for the rest of the day.

No one is volunteering to give up their seat. It's not going to be me. Even if it would mean getting away from this perfumed gentleman sitting right next to me.

time in morse code

so, last week I ran a totally scientific experiment relating to water intake and trips to the bathroom. I won't go in to it too much, but suffice it to say that my bladder is miniscule, and I had to pee on average more than once per hour. So, I am trying to reduce my intake during working hours. We shall see how this goes.

I haven't mentioned goals lately, but I think it's time. I have three goals at the moment:

1. Consistently run a 10 minute mile
2. Be able to run 5 miles at a time
3. Eat breakfast.

Goals #1 and #2: My last two runs have both been 2 miles in 20 minutes. If any of you are runners out there, you will know that running a 10 minute mile isn't going to win me any prizes. Also, maxing out at 2 miles is not very impressive. I will say that this time last year, I wouldn't have been able to run a block. So, I feel comfortable in my progress. Once I can consistently run the 10 minute mile, I will try to reduce my time/increase my pace. One thing at a time. I am going to try to increase the 2 miles after consistently running 2 miles/run for a few weeks.

On to goal #3. I haven't consistently eaten breakfast ever in my adult life. As a child, I didn't drink milk, so I never ate cereal. I mainly ate poptarts during the school week, and my mom made actual breakfast (pancakes and whatnot) on the weekends. I have been drinking coffee or tea for breakfast for at least 15 years. If I tried to eat breakfast when I woke up, I often felt sick to my stomach for the rest of the morning, so my first meal of the day is generally at lunch.

I know this isn't very good for me, so I am going to try to change it. For the last few weeks, I have been eating a handful of nuts around 10:30. That went ok. This week, my goal has been to eat a banana every morning before 9:30. Monday and Tuesday, banana eating was without incident. Today, I could only eat about 1/2 the banana before I started to feel sick. So, looks like it will be a bit more of a challenge. I am trying to think of other things to eat for breakfast. Small things that don't take any prep time, ideally. Any thoughts?

maybe there is something wrong with me...

I mean, something else.

So, I decided to start keeping track of my water intake and how many trips to the loo I make. Yesterday started off pretty good with a solid 36 ounces of water....however, those 36 ounces resulted in 5 trips to the loo. Well, there was a mug of coffee in there as well. But all this was before lunch. So, I decided to slow down my intake a bit. I finished out the work day with another 36 ounces, purposefully trying to reduce my intake. By the end of the day I had made 8 trips to the bathroom. AND I started trying to hold out as long as possible. Once I realized for certain how often I was going, I tried to slow it down.

So today, I am about finished with my second bottle of water. I have only made two trips to the loo this AM, and I have to pee so freaking badly. I am going to try to hold out, maybe train my bladder to be a little tougher?  Does that work? Is this too much personal information for a public blog?

Ok. Fuck it. I have to pee.

the growing season

I haven't been as excited about this growing season as I have been in past years. I don't know why that is, but I have decided to keep it pretty low key this spring and summer. I am focusing on basil, squash, and potatoes. Perhaps because they are all plants that tend to have a high yield for the energy they require to maintain. I started the basil and squash from seed. I just transplanted the basil to the raised beds on Friday. Here is what they look like, and I've included a cheap shot of my potatoes too:

So small...

Potatoes

The fig tree has just started to show signs of fruiting. It didn't produce anything last year, probably because it almost died after I transplanted it to the back yard and then went on vacation for a week without watering it. It seems to have recovered. Mostly.

I wanted to focus a little more on flowers this year. I've never really been a flower person, but lately I find myself appreciating them more than usual. I have started a dedicated flower bed with some daisies and lilies, so we shall see how that does. I also have some coneflowers, a rosebush, and some flowers I don't remember the name of....

So, this is a little overdue, but last Sunday, eh, Easter Sunday in case you don't remember that far back, I was leaving from our family get together and got a call from my buddy David. He had been walking his dog around the neighborhood, and found a bunny munching on grass on the side of the road. A freaking bunny. On Easter. So, he took his dog home, and went back and retrieved the bunny. It was pretty tame. So, poor David has many pets already and no where to keep a bunny. So, I volunteer to hold on to the bunny until we find a home for it. I have no desire to be a bunny owner. So, we took bunny home and started trying to find a home for him. On a whim I sent my friend Cathy a text message, since she lives right around the corner from where the bunny was found. I asked her if she knew of anyone who was missing a bunny. Apparently, there are some college kids who live right behind her who have a bunny. So, David and I took the bunny over there, and knocked on the door. A really really stoned college kid came to the door, and identified the bunny as "the bunny that sometimes lives in their backyard and eats carrots." We felt a little funny leaving the bunny with people who clearly had no business with a pet, but we couldn't just take him with us at that point...so, the Easter Bunny lives with stoner college kids. Go figure.