I am just a speck

I am having one of those optimistic types of days. Where things looks shiny and hopeful, where I appreciate simple things, and I can go to bed feeling like maybe everything will be okay. Only, I can't tell the blog world why, because there is a secret brewing and it will be awhile before the internets know about it. But don't you worry, it will come up. I can say that it takes very little to make me feel this way. I am always surprised at how little...or maybe all it takes is for me to have something to look forward to. And I have a few things to look forward to, in both the short term and the long term. The first of which is a three day weekend coming up. That makes me happy.

I have managed to get up between 6 - 6:30 both today and yesterday. Went for a walk with Emma this morning, mug of coffee in hand. It's surprisingly difficult to drink coffee while walking, unless you have a sippy mug I guess. I will remember that next time. Going to go for a run tomorrow with my new experimental shoes, the Vibram Five Fingers all purpose running, hiking, swimming, walking, yard working shoes. I wore them for a bit this evening out in the yard and I like them, even if they look really freaking silly. It's okay. I stopped caring about such things long ago. I am excited to try them tomorrow morning though. I feel like they can't be all they are cracked up to be. We shall see!

Sunday snapshot

I woke up this morning ready to conquer the world! Well, not really. But I wanted to run some errands and get a few things from the grocery store. So, I hopped in my car and after driving about 10 feet I realized I had a flat tire. I turned my car around so as to decrease the likelihood that someone would smash into me with their car as I tried to change the tire. The father of one of my neighbors across the street was visiting and saw my plight, so he came over to offer his assistance. The experience with him helping me with my flat tire was interesting. For the most part, I grew up without a father, and with my older brother taking off when I was barely a teenager, I never really experienced much in the way of a gender division of labor. My mom mowed the yard and washed the car and fixed things that broke. Now that I am older and on my own, I mow the yard and wash the car (in theory) and fix things that break. It was a bit odd because this nice guy who came over to help me assumed I didn't know how to change my flat tire. I usually would have said thanks, I got it, but for whatever reason I decided to accept his assistance. He was very nice about it, and I was very appreciative. It was probably near 100 degrees outside, so we were both sweating when all was said and done. Anyway, the tire got switched out (big nail in the one that went flat), and I got to my errands after all.

something new

I have totally fallen off my tackle 2011 project. Yeah yeah. Pretty much once I got the new job, I got lazy with everything else. I am really not good at starting new routines or getting out of old ones. But, I am going to try once again, starting tomorrow. Well, actually starting tonight. Starting right now. The first step is me not taking a shower. On a normal night, I would probably be taking a shower right about now. I have never been the type to wake up and hop in the shower first thing. So, I am going to shower. In the morning. But that's not all...

The underlying reason for the morning shower is because I am going to start trying run in the morning.  The high temps have been in the 100's this week and even at 8pm the temps are still pretty high. Plus, going for a run at 8PM means I don't eat dinner until after 9 since I can't eat before I run. I don't feel safe running alone after it gets dark, so my options are fairly limited. Running at night basically throws everything off, but running right after work is not the best thing to do. The added benefit of running in the morning is this will provide incentive to go to bed earlier. So, after I publish this post, I will be brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed.

Yup. This is what I write about in my blog. Waking up early for a morning jog. I need a life or something....

Update: So, I set my alarm for 6 ish this morning. I managed to run a quick run and I have already showered. I don't understand how I can still be sleepy after all of that.  I just took my first sip of coffee, so I am sure I will be waking up soon. Anyway, not sure how I feel about the morning run. Right now I just feel tired and slightly anxious because my morning routine has been disrupted. I wonder how I will feel at the end of the day? hmmm...

Record highs...

So, I read in the paper yesterday that the weather has been breaking records this month. They say that the high temps in June are all in the 90s, which apparently has never happened. The plants don't seem quite ready for weather this hot, so I have had to water them more than I would prefer. I harvested and ate my first squash yesterday, but I think it was too soon. The seeds inside were really tough, but edible. I am going to harvest some basil today and make a batch of pesto. Now is a great time to harvest and re-harvest basil, because it doesn't want to go to seed quite yet, and is still putting a ton of energy into putting out leaves. It's time to take advantage of this!

So, word got out at work that I am vegan. I tried to keep it under wraps for as long as possible. My boss is a very lovely woman, but at heart is a stereotypical Jewish mother type in some ways. She loves to feed people. For instance, she brought some matzo crackers in one day. There is a kitchen at the office, and the kitchen table there is usually some sort of communal food offering. I was snacking on some matzo one day, and she walked by and saw me enjoying my matzo. She was overjoyed that I was eating something from the communal table. She made a comment about bringing in some more, and the next day there were 4 more boxes of matzo!!! And then of course I felt the tinges of residual Catholic guilt and had to eat the matzo just to make her feel appreciated. See kids, this is what religion does to people. I had never had matzo crackers before, and I am now a big fan.

Another co-worker asked me to pick up her CSA share while she was on vacation, which I was more than happy to do. There was a ton of great veggies, including a whole pile of beets!!! So, I am not the biggest beet fan, but I was determined not to let them go to waste. So, I scoured the internets for recipes with beets that looked good. I stumbled upon an interesting recipe for chocolate cake made with beets! So, I gave it a whirl last night and I must say, the resulting cake is quite tasty!

I always come around a little too late....

So, I am beginning to wonder if the cheap tree guy is avoiding me. He probably came to his senses, realized he totally under-quoted me, and decided to block my number. I should have accepted his offer when he made it. I've called him twice and left him a voice mail each time. No response. I am just waiting for the day when my neighbor decides to sue me...

In other news, I've been watering plants and cooking dinner and cleaning stuff when it gets dirty. My life isn't very blog-worthy. All I can do is take pictures of the things I see, or the food that I make, or the faces my dog makes.

Veggies and cashews and tempeh, before I added green curry sauce. mmmmmmm.

about to crash....

I am a big fan of waking up early. I get a lot more done in the morning usually. I don't set an alarm on the weekends, and I usually wake up around 7ish. It doesn't matter if I go to bed at 10 or, like last night, I stay up until 2. however, if I get less than 7 hours of sleep, I usually end up feeling it before the day is over. Apparently I don't have a reserve supply of sleep left over from my college days. I have gotten a lot done so far today. Finally filed the paperwork that has been piling up for the last 6 months. Cleaned the oven with some sort of toxic oven cleaner that had no smell, but made me unable to breathe. Cleaned bathroom. Laundry in process. About to go on a run since it is only 86 degrees outside!!! I have a feeling the crashing is going to happen soon after my post-run shower. I am ready for it. Kinda psyched even. The yard is going to have to wait for tomorrow.

Also, I've gotten two more quotes from tree-guys. The highest is $5500, the lowest was $2300...Something is wrong if a quote for the exact same work (actually, the cheaper quote included grinding the stumps, which the more expensive quote did not) varies so greatly. Oh well. I guess my timing belt will have to continue to wait...

Happy day everyone. I am gonna go run.

Prophetic? Act of GOD? Don't be so literal...

I should be more careful about what I say in my blog. Like that whole thing about trees falling, and bubbles bursting. I didn't want a tree to fall. I swear. I really was planning on calling the tree guy....sigh.

So, yeah. One of the three giant hackberry trees looming over my backyard decided to crack in two during the storm we had Sunday night. The top half of the tree, uh, disappeared. At first I didn't know where it had gone, since there was nothing in my yard. The next day I went out and saw that it had fallen across the corner of my neighbors yard, across two fences, and into another yard next to them. 

Cue anxiety attack. 

The electrical lines were down (under the tree, to be exact) so I didn't want to explore too closely. There wasn't a whole lot to do, so I went to work and made some calls. After work, on my way to meet a tree guy for an estimate, I decided to stop over at the house where the tree fell to make sure everything was okay. It is a tricky situation, since under homeowners insurance, you are responsible for what happens in your own yard, even if the tree came from someone else's yard. So, unfortunately for my neighbor, my tree in her yard was technically her problem. I understand being a bit frustrated about the situation. However, when we started talking, she tried to tell me that she asked me to take the trees down 3 years ago. That they were dying. That they were going to fall. This conversation never happened. In fact, I had tree guys come out 4 years ago to do some other tree work and they said the trees were fine. I told her that. I mean, the storm hit directly over our neighborhood. There were entire oak trees uprooted. Trees were down everywhere. She had another tree down on the other side of her house...so....Anyway.  I tried to be nice, but I could feel my blood start to chill and my prickly lawyer instincts started to tell me to get out of there ASAP lest I start something I can't undo. The ONLY time I had previously spoken with this woman was when we got into an argument about who "owns" the easement between our two backyards. I have tried to be nice to her, but apparently it has to turn into a confrontation. 

Anyway, there is more to this story but this has given me some serious anxiety. Tree guy wants a few thousand dollars to take out all the trees. They all need to come out. I know this. I want them out. But the worst part is that being at my house was causing me massive anxiety. As soon as the tree guy left, I left too. And I didn't want to return. My house has always been the place I felt at peace. It was my bubble. But now??? I really hope things can return to normal....but for now I have to call some more tree guys, get some more quotes....ugh. 

. 

spectator sport

I have time, and the perfect front row seat.

I am looking for the rules to these words. In them and around them. I rearrange these things so that they make more sense. I make them tell me things I want to hear. I make it so your words leave me guessing...but I always interject in the end.

Then there are the other words, the invisible ones, the ones we can't say to each other. The ones that aren't there. The ones we put there even when we shouldn't. We fail, more often than they do.

And sometimes they come like a storm, carried by some uncontrollable force and you just want it to stop! Just stop, please. Give me something a little less literal, because I don't do well with perfect angles. I can't respond, without using them as a weapon. It's best I don't.

Mostly these words are my constant and silent companion. I appreciate when they go together well, when they create, and when they destroy. The intent and the failure to convey. When you use them so perfectly.  How brutal and sweet, and how none of it really exists. The best they can do is mimic. The best we can do is mimic. Attributing any value to them will be our downfall, always. Is my downfall...

So many years, so much repetition. I wonder if they have served me well...

It's been a quiet night, except for the storm. I am just waiting for the trees to fall and this little bubble to burst. One day.