Outside the lines

Whew. So, I took a break there not because I was particularly busy (which I was), but more because my brain seems to have been in overdrive over the last month or so, and writing about it all, or even thinking about writing, made everything spin a little bit faster. So, in an effort to spare my reader and myself, I took on hibernation as a renewed hobby. The hibernation isn't over (let's face it, it is here to stay), but the time has come to start posting blogs again somewhat on the regular.

Back when I re-started this blog in December of last year, one of my goals was to use it to force me to be accountable when it comes to actively seeking self-improvement. So, based on an unfortunate series of events over the last month, and because my current job will require it on a regular basis, I have decided my next move it to try to conquer my fear of public speaking. This is what I know right now:

If I find myself addressing City Council unexpectedly, my voice shakes like I am about to cry, my hands shake, and I generally look like an idiot.

If I find myself addressing a group of strangers in my peer group, my voice is better but my legs shake uncontrollably.

If I know I will have to speak in public, I will lose sleep the night before, and in the moments before I am to start speaking, my heart will POUND in my chest and I will want to die.

I realize that public speaking is the #1 fear of most people. My only wish is that the symptoms of my fear/nervousness could be tamed a bit, so they weren't so obvious. The funny thing is, if I can take a break between speaking, I am fine the second time around. For instance, if I am in a panel discussion, the first time I speak it's horrible, but then I am fine assuming there is a break in time between me speaking (when they ask someone else a question, for instance). So, I have hope.

In completely unrelated news: I have an appointment this afternoon with Shannon to add a little color to my arm. Jeremiah is looking lonely flying on my arm all alone. So, I am going to go with color.  It's a first for me. Something I didn't think I would ever do. Here is to growth, and doing things you didn't think you would ever do.

Ugh. So cute.